Her name is Lynn. She lives nearby. She contacted me and we e-mailed before she suggested we meet at the New Britain Museum of American Art. We met. I figure she decided on not having a second date maybe fifteen minutes in. Me, about a half hour. Don’t get me wrong, Lynn is a wonderful, loving woman. But we’re not ever in this lifetime make a go of it. I blew it. I chattered like a six year old with ten Pixie Stix and a two liter bottle of Coke in him. I tried waaay too hard. She finally sat us down on a bench and let me down. She had baggage, not the bad kind but family and activities she did that were her life. I was a bipolar ADD/OCD retired blogger looking for love. The upside was we spent four hours together. It was the best time I’ve spent in eighteen years. Yep, it’s been that long since my last date. I finally calmed down and it all sank in. I wasn’t that charming, or lovable, or wanted. By anyone, right now not even myself. Rejection sucks.

I belong to four dating sites. Two for seniors and two that cater to everybody. I am getting tired of being sent messages that so-and-so wants to get to know me. I answer, honestly. 99% of the time, no reply. The 1%? They vary from “I’m sorry, I’ve already met someone.” to I have to love a small dog that the site somehow believes are my favorites. It’s my fault. You see, when I was a drunk, talking to women was easy because I didn’t care. And, I frequently got what I deserved. Sober, I overcompensate or melt down into a stammering idiot. Yep, I write but can’t communicate face to face. Weird, huh? Another message I get usually attached to rejection is “There’s a soul mate for everyone.” Bulls**t. If there is, where the hell is she? The dating sites make money off people who are looking to love and be loved. The success rate is dismal. They show pictures of idealized couples while the clients(including myself) are not even close. I’m thinking of getting out of the senior’s sites. The women range from waay-out of my league to women who are more desperate than I am. I know, that’s saying something. More next week.

Odd bits
I’m quitting Nutisystem. It costs close to $400 a month and the food sucks. Marie lies.

I’m joining Weight Watchers. I can pick my own food or live on theirs.

This computer is going into the shop again. Not to PCW a local chain but someone who will fix the damn space bar and the letter keys.

I’m feeling suicidal but that comes with rejection and computer failure. Nothing’s gonna happen, just sayin’.

I’ll be spewing next week. Got a back-up.

See you in the funnies. Be nice to someone you really don’t like. You’d be surprised at what will happen.