Tangled Up In A twist Of Fate 138/ Unrequited love and how to cure it, losing your psychic virginity and odd bits.
Posted on February 15, 2014
Hi, it’s Saturday and it’s snowing again. We really need it. It took me fifteen minutes to get out of the plowed parking lot yesterday. It would have been a lot longer if the super hadn’t come by to help with pushing. Okay, let’s get started.
1) I write this as a semi-stream of consciousness. It explains why a lot of the times I ramble. What’s going to be the content is known, but I’m not always sure how it’ll come out.
2)I didn’t use last names on the post proper because I believe in honoring people’s privacy and sense of paranoia. Anyhow, some of the women mentioned, it’ll have been over fifty years. I blocked out some really bad ones. I’m positive none of the women remember.
Last Tuesday I had an appointment with my acupuncturist. There was something that had been stewing inside since I first saw her. I wanted to ask her out on a proper date, you know, dinner, a movie and bring her home. Being the coward I am around women I delayed and delayed. I played what I was going to say over and over in my head but every time, I overthought it and backed out. Before the appointment everything I wanted to say was organized. I waited in the anteroom and fought the urge to put it off until the next week. There was a problem, up until now, the problem was my own cowardice was keeping any fantasies to zero. She was the lady who helped me and it was like having fantasies about your mom. When my session began, I talked around the subject and finally got my nerve up and asked her if she would consider going out with me. (Note: I said consider. Leaves escape room) She smiled, my heart lifted. She told me she was married but appreciated the offer. At once I was hurt and elated. The pain came from being turned down, the elation from having a one ton weight lifted off of my back. The whole process had prepared me for failure because in the back of my brain lurked the likely possibility that someone was already dating or married to her, why not? A point, this is what kills a lot of guy’s souls. They don’t consider even the slightest possibility the object of their affections might not be available. Hence they tend to obsess. I used to. So to Marilyn, Marcia, Nancy, Judy and others who I had the warms over from grades K through six and after that lusted after 7 through 9, I’m done with you. To the carry-overs into high school and Rachel, Lois, Ms. Steiner, my English teacher and the summer women I met and failed with, I’m free. Mary K. in Hollywood Florida you’re forgiven for using me as a mobile ATM, at the time your beauty dazzled me. To all the other bartenders I asked out and turned me down. I’m sorry, I was drunk. To the nice woman I went out with while taking classes at MCC, we never would have worked out You were married, your husband was in Criminal Justice and your girlfriend was playing Jiminey Cricket every time we went out drinking. Finally to all of the women who did go out with me and ended the date with “You’re not my type”. Type wasn’t emotional, physical but rather gender, thank you for the company. you could have said something earlier on in the date, I wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place if I didn’t want to spend time with you. Finally to all the women that I ignored, snubbed passed over because I didn’t think you were attractive, witty or smart enough. I’m truly sorry. I didn’t look deep enough and ignored the fact I was being egotistical. Maybe you were ignoring me because I was an asshat.
The above shows that you can lose your psychic virginity more than once. It grows back. If you get out of practice, the insecurity is just as great as the first time and the relief is just as nice, even if you’re turned down. You gave it a shot, it wasn’t life and death, it was just an imperative that’s wired into our brains. I’ll try again. I won’t waffle. And I’ll be truthful.
The acupuncturist spoke of people suffering from a broken heart. People have emotional setbacks, the brain wants for equilibrium. It convinces the body it needs food, liquor or something else to bring this about. The human overdoes it. The liver suffers, the body suffers and a vicious cycle begins.
What I’ve learned: While in my brief sojourn with AA, I heard “Let go, let God”. It makes sense. AA talks about a Higher Power, it can be God, a tree, your television. So if God isn’t your cup of tea try something else. Prayer to the TV you’ll probably get the same results.
Missives from the left-wing press
Suicide bomb trainer in Iraq blows up his class, self. The locals view it as Divine Justice. I view it as stupidity in the name of your God.
Catholic Church and U.N. Screw Up: The Church messed up by covering up child abuse. The U.N. screwed up by wandering into theological territory and ignoring Muslim religious extremes. Both were wrong, one should have played by its own rules and the other should take a world view when it makes studies about religious abuse.
While the George Washington Bridge was jammed by a “traffic study” Gov. Chris (I didn’t know nuttin’ and nobody that works for me, except the rats are innocent) Christie took a ferry to the 9/11 ceremonies in NYC and a helicopter back. Wonder if he saw anything?
Thanks to New York Times and Rachel Maddow Show on-line.
Thanks for riding along and see you in the funnies.