It’s Saturday night and I’m coming down from a s**t hole afternoon. It started on 11/16, I ordered a Nikon camera from mike-0the2, from Columbus Ohio. I got a delivery date of 11/21. I didn’t come. I sent an e-mail asking how the item was shipped. Got not response. Okay here comes what might be construed as racist: the USPS.UPS and FedEx occasionally can’t deliver packages and rather than expend the effort going to the second floor and knocking on the door, they drop them in the foyer. Frequently the super catches it and brings it up, but if he doesn’t it is left to the mercy of young minorities who prey on porches and my foyer. I’ve gone to the USPS and tried to get a form to tell all letter carriers not to leave packages. They sat leave a note for the carrier on the box. I put one up, it’s down the next day. Maybe it’s in the mail truck, I dunno. I call eBay, get the runaround but finally they give me the assh***’s phone number. It’s disconnected. PayPal says the payment was declined. I finally get another human and I navigate pages until in one corner I see that the card number they’d used isn’t even close to mine. I kill another hour or so trying to talk to a human, but all they do is redirect me to the web. Monday, we go back to trying to contact a human. I cancel the warranty I took out on the camera. Went back on eBay, found another camera bought it for $45 less. Now I’m not psychic, but this morning I gave money to some Girl Scout thingies , a homeless guy on an off-ramp and a turkey to a local TV station’s turkey drive. Why? You might ask. When I give I feel good, I figured the afternoon was going down the crapper. I took out insurance. It lasted about two hours. I wanted to get hold of mike, reach through the phone line, rip his heart out and show it to his mother, if he had one. Now I hope he gets anal warts. Always being nice.

Last week I got an on-line circular from Stop & Shop. They had turkeys and turkey breasts on special. When I went shopping I had the word spatchcock on my mind. It is simply taking chicken or other fowl and removing the backbone and flattening it. I cuts down on cooking time. I know how to do it and have done it. I settled on a turkey breast because the store seemed to believe that everyone wants a turkey that comes in around twelve pounds or better. The breast, every man likes a bit of breast will be boned, stuffed, rolled and tied. I have a remote thermometer and the stuffing is mushrooms, sausage, onions, celery and fresh herbs. Got onions, celery and carrots to support the breast while it roasts. Also got a new thermometer for the oven because the old one is totally crapped out. Hope ya’ll have a great Thanksgiving. Remember seating can make the meal really interesting. Sit crazy Uncle Ralph next to Cousin Jimmy who just found Jesus, seat Auntie Marie who is slowly losing it next to Sister Lucy who has just turned twenty and thinks she’s the hottest property going. Guaranteed next year you won’t get stuck cooking the meal and you’ll have a chance to sit next to Gramps and cut his food and watch him gum it.

Birthdays: 11/23/1859 William McCarty, aka William Bonney, aka The Kid aka Billy the Kid in NYC. He sets up business in the New Mexico territory only to have it terminated after a late night encounter with one Pat Garret.
William Henry Pratt aka Boris Karloff in 1907. He got typecast into horror films winding up at the end of his career making schlock films for Roger Corman.

I really want you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Stay home on Black Friday, it’s a scam. Buy local. Don’t let the crazies that are winding up the War On Christmas crap or the other side who want secular holidays. If you want to pray, pray. If you want to celebrate Festivus, go for it.

Suffering an overdose of JFK assassination and watching TMZ. Got to get to bed. The Emma Peel mega set awaits.

See you in the funnies.