Tangled Up In A Twist Of Fate 118/ My birthday, how I fell short, and how I hope to change. maybe.
Posted on September 22, 2013
It’s 11:42 pm on Saturday. At midnight I’ll turn sixty five. I won’t apply for Social Security because I have to wait to sixty seven or something. A kind of report on how I’m doing. I’ve got type two diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a wonky heart valve. My weight is more than a few pounds north of what it should be and I’m trying to work it off. The upside is my brain is functioning as well as could be expected. I don’t get lost in the bathroom or anything like that. But I need two pairs of glasses. I’ve been single all of my life but am adaptable. I’ve gone out with three women. The first used me as a stepping stone to go out with my best friend. The second used me as an ATM and split without a note. The third used me for carnal pleasure until the next shiny object came along. Presently I have crushes, distant and unrequited. I haven’t given up hope but time is running out. Part of it is my fault. I never developed social skills. I did but not as well as my peers. I still stammer when I meet a woman that I like and over compensate. Oh yeah, did I mention I have ADD and an addictive personality? Got those so drinking and recreational drugs are out. Along with gambling, watching porn and indulging in anything that feels good. I get attached in a big way.
I started five stories and finished two. I mailed one out Saturday morning. I had to edit 267 words before it could go out. Personally I think it made the story better. I got lazy on a few because they got into places that were how to get out of. I looked them over and second and third drafts loom large. I started a blog that was interactive but nobody came. I’ve got plans for it. I’ll put some of my education to work. I tried to diet but I keep felling off. Oh yeah I got my first rejection letter. A line and a half e-mail. Screw ’em. I’ll get it fixed and sell it somewhere. For me it’s not about the money. I just want to see something I wrote in print. I took a course with an instructor I’d had before. I had a crush on her but she was married. It got canceled. My fantasy crashed.
To repair my shortcomings, I’m going to schedule time to write and not pass off time daydreaming as research. I will pay attention to the Mystery Writing course I’m taking. I’ll spend just enough time in Fantasyland to get ideas and write stories. I’m going to stop worrying about where the woman in my life is. we’ll meet. We probably have but just haven’t verbalized it yet. There’s hope. I’m pretty sure my life partner isn’t a guy. It’s just I hate being alone. Reading other people’s blogs and replying isn’t getting it.
If you follow this blog, talk to me. I don’t bite and maybe I know stuff you need. Ask questions.
See you in the funnies. I might post an addendum with birthdays when I read the NYT.