Last week was one for the books, for me at least. Last week I talked about my new laptop being in the shop. I had a replacement, my Dell with Windows 7. It’s kinda like a twenty-three year old Irish setter. It’s loyal, forgetful at times, friendly but might snap at you but apologizes, is a tad incapacitated and will smile sheepishly when it drops a surprise on the living room rug. The Dell was filling in until Tuesday. I checked e-mails, did puzzles and wrote up a 1,000 word outline for a short story I thought I could pants but it got too complicated and order needed to be restored. I worked on the outline from three until seven. I skipped supper and watched Jeopardy. I went back on line. E-mails again, puzzles and a rest stop. The rest stop came in the form of a stop at a site called the Sensuous Dance of the Tawaif It’s a seventeen minute video. It begins focused on the feet of a lady entering a room. The music begins. There is a quick shot of her, dressed in diaphanous pants and a shear scarf. The focus is on her face, which I think is stunning, and her hands. We get a full shot. She’s naked under the pants and scarf. She moves. It isn’t erotic, it’s sensuous. An invitation. Not like a belly dance with hip shaking and gyrations this is sinuous. The video winds down with her sans pants but still covered. She leaves the room. the next shot is of her with light focused on her.

I found the video when I was looking for an Indian name for a doctor in a story I was working on. I watched it. The next day and the next. I stopped because I know how easily I adopt habits. My visits to watch her dance went from weekly, to every other week, to maybe once a month to my visits were a relaxation method. Watching her relaxed me. I wasn’t turned on. I was developing a crush. So I visited Tuesday night. I watched, and moved on to crosswords. About eleven, I had a solitaire game on the screen. I went into the kitchen to refresh my beverage. When I got back, solitaire was gone replaced by another screen. A familiar screen. It was the DOJ virus. It’s simple, your computer is locked under the pretenses of viewing child pornography, using illegal software or violating a copyright. On the right side of the screen they tell you how to get your computer back. Go to CVS, Wal-Mart, or any one of a list of stores. You have to obtain a cash card, load it wit $300 and type in the number. They have threats of legal action by the government. They hope you’ll panic and follow instructions. I know. Except I called my ISP and the roto-rooted it out of the system. I called X-finity and by midnight the tech and I had discovered this was a mutant variation. We couldn’t get around it into the computer to override it. The tech recommended Microsoft.

At nine on Wednesday I called Microsoft. I spent from nine until twelve thirty moving up from level one to level three in tech support. This included paying for and receiving refunds for service. The final resolution was take the computer to the shop, pull out what I wanted and roto-root the system and reinstall Windows 7. This was food for thought. I called my two go-to guys, one in Berlin CT, the other in South Windsor CT. Berlin didn’t answer and I left a message at South Windsor. I showered and ran errands, post office, Target, Stop & Shop with a quick stop at Rent-A-Center. At the last stop, I quit filling out the form because I didn’t know four people to use as references, what the electric, phone and gas bills were. I had done the post office, Target was a quick stop for a three prong extension cord and then on to Stop & Shop. Here’s where I plead insanity. I got to Target, found my extension cord and was being led through the cattle herding path that led me to hit as many departments as possible. I was passing Electronics, don’t get ahead of me, and I approached an associate. Before I could stop it “computers” fell out of my mouth. I was led, willingly, to the display of laptops. There she was, a Gateway marked down $40. I took it, paid for it and locked it in the back of my car. Stop & Shop was a nightmare. I was four hours later than my usual shopping time and it was amateur hour. People wandering around, stopping for no reason and generally making what would be a ten minute run-through into a half hour. Look people if you’re going to use your store card and a credit card or check have them ready before all of you stuff is run through the register. I get home unload groceries and open mail. Books and an order from Harriet Carter. She’s sent me something I’ve been looking for a microwave cooker for eggs so you can add cheese, meat and zap it and it fits on a English muffin.

I finally got to the computer. I unpacked it, read the instructions and hooked it up. I called the ISP just in case. I went on line and checked mail. My keyboard had arrived at FedEx. A couple posts down there was notification that it had been shipped. I called left shipping number, and estimated time of delivery.

Between Thursday and Saturday I was customizing Windows 8. I added apps and picked up a couple minor viruses. The tech also found an issue that bugged me, Yahoo shutting down erratically. Finally Friday night the cursor froze and then disappeared. In the mean time I discovered I’d need an external disc drive. Another Target run. It gets nasty here for a minute. While on the phone with the tech and doing various things to my computer, I got hit with what we call in Connecticut “The Green Apple Quickstep” Running between the phone and the bathroom might have ticked off the tech. I showered and drove wet hair and all to Target. A new mouse jogged the computer’s mouse loose and the external disc drive wasn’t that expensive and it works.

Some odd bits: GE has a three prong, surge protector extension cord with two USB ports on it. You can charge the MP3 player or phone. One thing though it takes a bit longer.

Dr. Bader’s Pest Cures is a cut and paste deal that tells you a lot about what the problem is but not how to remedy it. He sends you to an expert.

Wednesday I took part in an old restaurant tradition called “minestrone” It means clean out all the refrigerators and make soup. I didn’t. I took single slices of rye bread, bags of 99 cent bread end verging on becoming a science project, four container of tub butter that I could have melted and combined but the energy would cost more, iffy hummus, one stalk of celery and something that was lurking in back of the bottom shelf and tossed them. scrubbed the refrigerator and sorted the stuff, a first for me.

The rest of today will be spent doing laundry, steaming some odd globs that are embedded in the carpet pile and checking if my new computer has Windows media and if it does can I put music files into Skyline so both computers that work can share.

See you in the funnies.