Let’s climb into the time machine and visit the past. Back in the days when life was easier and we were amazed by strange stuff. 1972 and 1973. A movie had come out. It was called Deep Throat and everybody was talking about it. Everyone who saw it thought it was great and those that didn’t (clergy, moralists) didn’t. I hadn’t seen it. My experience with dirty movies was limited to grainy 8mm films of people having sex and were as exciting as watching a film demonstrating how to extract an impacted molar. It was a Wednesday night and my buddy Mike, his younger brother Jim on leave from the Marines. my school buddy Mike and I were sitting in the Meadowland bar drinking drafts. At 60 cents for fourteen ounces you couldn’t go wrong. How the conversation got around to Deep Throat, I have no idea. But there it was. Somebody, it might have been me suggested we visit the Palace Theater and catch a showing. It wasn’t quite eight and it took about five quick minutes from the bar to the NewBrite plaza. Hey, we went. Mike from school wasn’t really into it, but we talked him into it. We all knew the Palace. Before it began showing porn it had screened “art” (foreign films with breasts) films and before that mainstream films with a Saturday matinee with cartoon and serials. Now it was an adult theater, a hundred feet from a church. The tickets cost us $2.50 and we went in, no usher. The snack bar stocked with food a starving wolverine would turn down. We found seats in the middle of the theater. The lights were up, a lot of people scrunching down in their seats. Two things happened simultaneously. I saw people I knew and called out to them. They scrunched farther. The lights went down, there was an audible sigh of relief from late-comers. The first short was a black and white film about cannibals and explorers(some really hot explorers). It had the production values of Aunt Jen’s Thanksgiving movie after she’s had one too many merlots. It really sucked. The feature came on. I watched. My lizard brain was happy, my logical brain found holes in the plot. I thought it was hilarious. Sex made me laugh. I still think it’s fun. The movie ended and we left feeling we’d accomplished something.

Flash forward one year. My school buddy Mike and I are in Hartford. He’s become a connoisseur of chili dogs and he’s found a place not to be missed. It was seven. Mike had the paper and was looking for a movie. I should say, we had my car and I wasn’t thrilled to be too far away from home. The radiator leaked and the engine was a step way from dying. “You wanna go see Deep Throat and The Devil In Miss Jones?” “Huh” “Yeah they’re playing in a place right near here.” I was bored. “Okay” We paid up and drove to the cinema (French word for a movie house that shows dirty foreign movies to Americans). Following instructions I got lost. we passed the state capital twice. My water gauge was cruising near hot and I was beginning to smell antifreeze. In no time the steam came. We were grounded. Mike watched the car in the shadow of the legislative building and I hunted up a pay phone (Google it). A call to a garage, waiting and negotiations got me home by eleven. Three days later Mike called for another hot dog run and a trip to the movies, in his car. We went. The Devil In Miss Jones had a reasonable plot and Georgiana Spelvin with Harry Reems as a co-star. Deep Throat was still funny, Linda Lovelace had achieved star status and she had Harry Reems as a co-star. It was the last time I watched porn. I’ve thought about it but the real thing is waaay more fun. The Devil was darker and IMO was a porno morality play. Commit suicide, come back and relive your favorite sin. In Miss Jones case lust, or just a lot of sex.

In 1972, it cost $25,000 to make Deep Throat. It’s probably made millions. Linda Lovelace looked like she was really engaged in the movie. She wrote a book telling that she was coerced by her husband to perform. That’s enough for a long rant on women’s exploitation by men.

In 1973, The Devil In Miss Jones was made for $33,000. Geogiana Spelvin was born in 1936. She was in show biz. She took Devil because she needed money. She’s fought alcohol and has been sober. She self-published a book and writes a blog. She is married.

Harry Reems died in 2013. He starred in many porn movies. I wrote a humorous piece about him for a creative writing class in 1974.

There are a lot of unintended puns in here, If you find them yor mid is dirtier than mine.

See you tomorrow.