First, I make lists. One for every day. It begins with “Shower” and continues. The second item on my list today was Stop and Shop. I had made the grocery list last night as per the Tuesday list. I showered and instead of blow-drying my hair, I fell asleep. (Note to self: Call doc and tweak night meds). When I woke it was 11 am and the local news was on. Watched news and had lunch until 12:30. Went shopping. In the back of my brain the sane part was screaming, “WTF are you doing? It’s Wednesday afternoon and they’re bussing seniors in for their weekly visit.” I ignored the voice. The market wasn’t too crowded and there didn’t seem to be many seniors wandering the aisles. (More on that) I made it through produce and went down the Bargain/Juice aisle. There they were. Staring at bargain tampons and Glade refills. Got what I needed and went back to pick up hot dogs. Skip an aisle, down the cereal aisle to pick up FiberOne brownies. The rest of the trip is easy because I’ve put it together in the order the aisles come. Yeah, I know, major anal. I even remembered 99 cent bread for the Murph, pitas and frozen breakfast sandwiches. (The doc warned me off fresh fruit, granola and yogurt. Too much sugar. I could cut back but f*** it.) On to checkout. I try lane 13. A woman with an overloaded cart is towing it into the lane. The belt is empty, she’s not loading. Move to 15. Another tow truck. 50 pounds overweight loading up on Chef Boy Ar Dee single serve Beefaroni, spaghetti and meat balls and lasagna. She’s gonna wash it down with 2 liter bottles of Mountain Dew, Coke and a twelve pack. She’s memorizing the magazine rack. The clerk is staring at her. She’s eyeing daggers at him and me. I might have run my cart into hers. A hint. This is playing out like her first time in a supermarket. Bagging choice is a major mystery. The bagger has her groceries piling up at the end of the belt because she’s got the cart behind her ample ass. I’ve got my store card and debit card out. My groceries are half loaded onto the belt. behind me I see what I hate in front of me at checkout. A octogenarian woman with a cart leading her older husband, with cart, into the lane. Behind them I see a woman pushing her cart and looking at the future. Here comes the rant: 1) When you shop, make an attempt to have some order to your list. Wandering around is bad form. 2)If you are pricing an item move the f*** to the side of the aisle. 3) See #2 and remember the expensive s*** is at eye level. If you’re bargain hunting look down. 4) Move through the place like you mean it. 5) Don’t tow your cart into the checkout lane. 6) Have your store card and debit/credit card ready. 6) Load your groceries onto the belt as soon as space is available.
If the person in front of you is offended. F*** ’em. Tell the bagger “paper or plastic”, there’s only two choices unless you’ve brought your own bags. Then, good on you. 7) Swipe your card, have your wallet ready if you pay cash. 8) When your transaction is over say polite, terse goodbyes to the checker and bagger and get the f*** out. Somebody else is waiting and the store employees don’t give a rat’s ass about your seven cats. 9) If you have kids, find someone to watch them while you’re shopping. You get alone time and there’s little chance they’ll be rampaging the aisles and in the way of shopping carts pushed by less than nice people.

I posted about a particularly bad shopping trip and my conversation with my doctor. I really freakin’ try but sometimes stuff is a bit too close to the surface. I know this and maybe spend waay to much effort to keep it under control. It builds up and I have to vent The post is as good as place as any. I’ll work on it.

I’ve got a crush. Not on an inaccessible TV or movie star but a real person. I won’t name her but she’s the front manager at the supermarket. Nothing is going to come of it. She’s married and my track record with married vis a vis divorce really sucks. It’s a warm feeling.

Still got a few bugs. They relocated to the couch. They’ve been sprayed, vacuumed, sprayed, steamed, sprayed and finally chemically dealt with. Murph stepped on one and was amazed by the blood. Didn’t have time to explain feeding habits of bed bugs. They’ve got until Monday. If they return or increase the landlord will be called.

Just when I’d just about od’ed on LawnOrder, I discovered Law and Order Uk. They do everything better and due to a grittier nature they don’t rely on eye candy.

Some music:


I NEEDED that one.

See you on Friday.