Tangled Up In A Twist Of Fate 46/ F***ing Charlotte, Hi, I’m Tom and I’m an addict, my lizard brain, odd bits
Posted on February 10, 2013
Charlotte visited this weekend. On Friday she showed up at our door, she was expected. The weather geeks gave us enough lead time. We started with a possible severe weather system that morphed into a storm system that morphed into a Nor’Easter finally becoming The Big Bad Motherf***ing Winter Snow Storm So Buy Enough Supplies And Expect To Be Stranded Forever. She was polite at first, lightly covering the ground with flakes that drifted down like feathers from angel’s wings. It got worse, and worse. The Wind kicked up and the trees in the lot next to my apartment were swaying and if they were closer I’d worry. At some point the unspeakable happened, the cable went out. The power stayed on. I broke out the radio/CD player and hunkered down. My old computer has games loaded with Windows Vista so I occupied time playing variations of Solitaire. It got old fast. All the books I loaded on my Nook weren’t really interesting. I listened to transcripts of the Burns and Allen radio show, but the humor just was too light for the situation. I tried loading DVDs on my old computer but couldn’t get it to hook up. Brain freeze on my part I suspect. Finally, a brain flash. On of the things I bought was a portable DVD player. It was on sale and worked perfectly well. I disconnected it and moved it into the living room. I sorted through the piles of DVDs and picked out a few that would make for a good way to kill time. I picked: The Aristocrats (highly recommended), Showgirls (bad reviews, but female nudity, you can’t go wrong) Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might Be A Redneck/Check Your Neck (funny), Bill Maher’s New Rules (funny), Richard Lewis, Concerts From Hell, Y Tu Mama Tambien (foreign language sex and nudity) and the new addition American Horror Story Season 1. Watched the pilot of AHS and was hooked. Fell asleep. Woke up before the alarm, showered, breakfast yadda yadda. Had two radios by now, one tuned to my fave 105.9 the other NPR. Switched between them and decided on a new movie. Y Tu Mama Tambien seemed good. A road trip movie two teen-aged boys and a the sexy twenty-eight year old wife of one of them. there’s sex, nudity, frank conversation. She schools them and they are good students. It wasn’t a bad movie. Okay, I liked it, especially Gabrielle Verdu. More radio, laundry loads and radio. Playing Solitaire keeps me alert. Another episode of AHS. Pizza supper. Recipe good but got to find dried tomatoes that aren’t sweet. Radio, puzzles and Burns and Allen. The Saturday I remember to take my night meds. Sunday comes early. Breakfast and shower. Movie on tap:: Showgirls, much reviled but it has nudity, sex, nudity and my lizard brain is acting up. As movies to watch when you want to see gratuitous nudity and the possibility of girl on girl sex: Not bad, wouldn’t watch it under ordinary circumstances, but it’s Sunday am. During all of the movies and stuff the cable came back on.
Hi, I’m Tom and I’m an addict. “Hi Tom” I’m addicted to cable TV and the Internet. Withdrawing sucked but I tried. As soon as the cable came back on I was hooked again. It was like going home. At first, I was a bit shaky and as I expected it got worse. The withdrawal wasn’t this bad when I quit using pot or drinking. It was easy. I guess that doing something for a long time does get engrained and quitting is supposed to be difficult. It wasn’t. But cable? Christ, I panicked. I got over it, barely. I went to AA. It may work for some, I couldn’t get into it. Maybe it’s a “You gotta kill it yourself” mentality I’ve got. It comes down to one thing: An addict is never “cured”. He’s just waiting for the next temptation. A side note”: When I switched from ATT to Comcast the Murph told me that when the cable went down, so would my computer. My response: Bullshit, the cable NEVER goes out. So much for being prescient.
My Lizard Brain. Everybody’s got one. It’s buried and stays hidden for long periods of time only to pop up at the Xmas party at work after a few drinks and proximity to a member of the same/opposite sex. The harder you suppress it, the stronger it gets when it decides to jump up. In my case it’s female nudity. It goes back to Catholic school and repression. I snuck peeks at men’s magazines when I got a chance and tried to convince dates (within limits) to let me see. When I joined the military and got into school I subscribed to Playboy. As time went on running parallel to the approved voyeurism was a growing awareness. The general humanity of all people was foremost, especially women. One of the standard bits of entertainment for GIs back in the day was strippers. It was a simple game: Put an attractive bit of bait, make it just unattainable and rake in the dough. A part of my brain didn’t buy stuffing dollar bills into a woman’s garter belt, even after more than enough alcohol. I’m giving out money and some other guy is reaping the benefits. So I stopped. No strippers, no Playboy etc., no porn. If I couldn’t touch her and be with her I didn’t need her. That worked out pretty well. Except that all of the extraneous nonsense was building up. I caught myself Googling “Images” for various women I’d seen on TV or on-line. I didn’t have fantasies about them and it went away as quickly as it showed up. Until the cable outage. It took away one thing my brain needs amusement. Hence y Tu Mama Tambien and Showgirls. There was no extreme reaction, you know, that reaction. But naked women still are a nice thing to look at. Still working on getting some woman to date me, but if she doesn’t, I understand.
See you on Wednesday.