Crashed at midnight Friday. While trying to fall asleep I felt something crawling up my left arm. I swatted it. Seconds later it was back. I flipped on the lamp and there it was, a small, black bug. There were a few more, about ten. Caught a couple and put them in a pill bottle. Moved to the couch and slept. About six I was up and I looked my captives over, I Googled them and found out they were bed bugs. Ugh! After a shower and breakfast I tore the bed apart and there were a bunch of the little buggers. Not enough for an infestation but they had ideas about expanding. Back to the Internet and “Green ways to kill bed bugs.” I got a buttload of answers. Some really toxic some a bit to folksy for my taste. Tenting the building was out of the question, but got some thought. Especially the part of not telling the neighbors. Finally zeroed in on a green product that wasn’t costing an arm and a leg. Found out there were no distributors nearby, so I got it shipped priority mail. UPS Air was sixty-five bucks and I’d get it Saturday. Had errands to run so I trashed the pillows because they seemed the worse off. A trip to Target got me an assoprtment of pillow densities and six pillow cases. It seemed to be a real good idea, at the time. Old pillow cases stashed in a trash bag waiting to be washed and a trip to Stop & Shop looming, I felt that I’d beaten the problem. Back to the Internet. Conventional wisdom is strip the bed bare and spray with the repellent/killer of your choice. That night had company and spent the night on the couch. I sleep on it well so it’s not a big deal. Another trip to Target, no bed bug killer. On-line I hit one of the ads and find out Bed Bath and Beyond has bed bug killer. BB and B? A place I;ve avoided because of the stigma attached to buying bed sheets from a store dedicated to them.searched on-line and got the location and phone number. I called, talked to a female voice and listened to some bad music and talked to another female. Yea, they had bed bug killer. Location; across from Westfarms Mall. Not exactly, across from the parking lot not the mall proper. Went in and opted for the search and destroy method. I found it. They had three brands, one “green” and travel sizes. Bought a normal-sized bottle, didn’t want the clerk to think I was infested. On the way out picked up a kitchen scale (needed one) and a dust buster to suck up all the dead bugs. Another trip through Target to pick up six cases and a flat sheet. At home everything bed-related was tossed into the washer and an application of bed bug killer to the mattress and foam under mattress. There was a pillow I’d shoved into a space behind the mattress because there had been a gap when I changed mattresses. The pillow showed signs that my bedmates were hiding out between the mattress and frame. Nuked the suckers with the spray. Got the killer cascading down the backside of the mattress onto their daytime sanctuary. The smell was interesting, kinda like cinnamon and some additive that was used to keep folks from drinking the stuff. A light mist on the pillows and into new cases. Replaced the the sheet. The other bedclothes are now drying and getting washed. The Murph said I should add some bleach. He adds bleach to everything he cleans. The apartment frequently has the fragranence of Eau de Clorox when he does his weekly clean up. Me, right now I’m sitting on the couch waiting for the machines to do their thing. Bedmates tonight? If so sterner measures will be employed. Googling anteaters right now.

Was lucky enough to catch Jodie Foster’s almost coming out speech last night. The only thing missing was a collective “No shit Sherlock” from the assembly. We’ve all had our thoughts on the subject. If Jodie is a lesbian, big deal. I’ve been around gays and lesbians since high school. They were quiet about it, times were different. I worked in Food Service for fifteen years. There’s no gay waiters or lesbian line cooks. Nah. For me I don’t care. Whomever you choose to sleep with, marry or whatever doesn’t matter to me. My sex life is difficult enough without worrying about anyone else. I believe in tolerence. One little side bit, though, Jodie’s almost coming out doesn’t change the fact I have an unrequited crush on her along with Rachael Maddow, Cat Cora, Ann Burrell and about a half dozen other women I find attractive. It’s a gift. If I were presented with one hundred women ninety-nine straight, one lesbian, blindfolded and turned around ten times. The minute the blindfold was off I’d pick the non-straight. She doesn’t have to wear Timberlands, jeans and a flannel shirt. I can’t count the times I’ve heard the dreaded words, “I like you, but you’re not my type.” coming from a woman that I’ve just had dinner and a movie. I already know it doesn’t mean I’m too short/tall, the wrong color, the wrong social standing or not rich enough (I can figure THAT one on my own). I’m the wrong gender. Note: I’m not changing, I’ve been this way for a long time. Cheers for Jodie and everyone else who is contemplating a similar revelation to friends and family.

See you on Wednesday.