Mitt is closing in. Some polls say the race is tied. I don’t care. All the speculation is for the benefit of pundits who have nothing to do for four years and this is their chance to shine. Nothing counts until the last vote is counted in November. There are lead changes in every race and trying to project what’s going on with the electorate is a fool’s errand. We’re a contrary nation. We love the hell out of somebody and just as quick we show them the door and move onto the next best thing. Mitt better enjoy the love because the zen master has the bully pulpit and can pull a rabbit out of the hat when needed. Or create a rabbit if necessary. All we can do is watch. Don’t bother sending letters and emails to the candidates telling them to be substantive and quit screwing around with polarizing nonsense. For the next debate, how about not trying to impress the viewers with how snappy your answers are, tell us how you’re going to fix unemployment, the economy, the fact we’re a second tier power and what you like on your pizza. (The devil made me do that) While we’re waiting for the next move, keep an ear on the sound of a pistol being cocked. Who’s going to shoot themselves in the foot? Massachusetts Mitt or The Zen Master? Or will it be someone else, Joe or Paul? Anything can happen, that’s what makes it fun.

There’s Jerry, Ellen, Rikki, Steve H, Steve W, Jeff and a boatload of others. They dragoon celebrities into showing up and talking about their next project. Writers pimp their books even though two thirds of the audience are waiting for the movie to come out. Sports stars try to be at ease as the host asks them in depth questions like; “When you missed that fly ball, were you ready to explain to the press that you were at fault for missing the playoffs?” or “How does it feel to suck on ice?”. Audience members squirm in the reflected glow of the host. Victims of the tragedy du jour weep when the host offers condolences and a new house. We watch it all because it’s usually aired opposite some local schmuck that has eyes on the rung in the TV ladder, going up or down. They have daytime talk shows on in waiting rooms at body shops, muffler installers, emission testers and doctors waiting room because they want you good and numb when they charge you to fix whatever went bad that day. I bring my Nook, but being male and middle-aged it forget sometimes and have to watch the parade of cardboard cutouts that sit on tacky furniture and try to put a new spin on the answer to the fiftieth time they’ve heard the question. Every time it happens I lose a bit of my brain. Listening to classical music, reading great books, meditating, nothing will bring back what I’ve lost.

Lyndsay’s back in the news. She went clubbing with mom and got home early in the morning. They got into a fight and 911 was called. This time with no arrests. Even the police are getting tired of them. Lyndsay talked to dad and told him mom broke her bracelet and wouldn’t pay back the 40K she lent her. Okay, let’s look at this: 1) Drinking with your parents is never a good idea. Stuff comes up that you don’t want to hear, 2) If you ignored No1 keep it short. Truth be told they can stand you drunk for just about as long as you can stand them, 3) When you’re done passing the bottle back and forth, go to neutral corners. If you can’t find a place to pass out and do it, 4) Don’t involve any more relatives than necessary especially if the relative is a media whore. 5) Wear cheap bling. Save the good stuff for occasions that count, 6) DON’T LEND MONEY TO RELATIVES!!!!! They never pay it back and if they do the story of deprivation and hardship is nonsense, 7) Don’t call the police no matter how stupid it gets. If they’ve dealt with you a lot, they will haul you off to the lockup with pictures and everything.

A millionaire was driving and ran a stop sign. His Bentley hit a Hyundai. The Hyundai went into a canal. The driver drowned. The millionaire is on trial for manslaughter. So far, so good. Even though the prosecution went big time with video simulations and all the bells and whistles necessary to put on a good case, the defense relied on toy cars. The commentators on the case, it was on TruTV, said the millionaire wasn’t that complicated and the simple presentation reinforced it. He’s a millionaire because he saves money. I don’t care if they toss the guy in jail, anything he gets will be karmic. I do hope there’s a wrongful death suit and he gets hit for big bucks. Distribution of wealth and all that.

Now back to lukewarm response (peppy organ music, applause) “Here’s the Earworm!!!” This week a potpourri.

No votes, just listen.

Support your local food bank. Read to a kid. Adopt a shelter pet. Be nice to someone you don’t like. Ignore the politicians. Eat healthy/

See you on Friday.