Today is the final day of the Waterbed Follies. I should bring you up to speed. I share an apartment with my brother-in-law. We both have waterbeds, and we both have cats. Need I say more? Getting frustrated with leaks started it. I went on-line to hunt up local sources for matresses. There were six listed and when called told him that they didn’t carry waterbed matresses. So much for up-to-date information on the web. I finally found a dealer on line who didn’t want an arm and leg for a padded matress or a finger and toe for a standard matress. I ordered two matress sets and put them on my card. We waited. Fedex came when we weren’t home so I went on-line to find where in the hell they were located. The office center/ pickup depot was on the Berlin Turnpike a place that has some warm and not so warm memories. A call gave me the location and landmarks. I can get horribly lost without any effort. Picked up the package, one box instead of two. Bring it home. Wrong size!!! E-mail to broker. Get to know Teena. She assures me the order will be corrected and a shipping label will be enclosed. Another miss by Fedex and a trip out to the turnpike. One package, right size, no shipping label. Phone call from Fedex. Frantic copying of tracking number. Number invalid. More waiting and soggy mornings. Brother-in-law has already switched matresses, two hours draining, less time filling. Long wait for heater to warm a bunch of cold water. Fedex delivers!!! Right size, shipping label and I’m ready to go. Matress is almost siphoned. I’m pulling all the corners in to ensure complete draining. I’m not going to haul a partially filled matress out onto the back porch and slit it open to discharge its contents all over the backyard. The siphon is sucking wind. Now all I have to do is stuff the carcass into a trash bag and leave it by the recycling bin. Filling is a piece of cake. I’ve just got to remember to pay attention. Last time I overfilled a bit. Now the cats. Sophie is napping on the couch and dreaming of turkey pate. I wonder how hard it would be to fake her into the carrier and off to the vet for declawing. Nah, she needs them to defend herself against imagined enemies. I’ll sleep on top of the comforter until I make a run to Fedex. A nice thick matress cover seems nice. So does sleeping through the night without trying to avoid the wet spot.

I’m a Mets and Red Sox fan. Actually, I’m a baseball fan and the only practitioners of the game that I can root for in the area are the Mets and Sox. The Yankees don’t enter into it. this season both teams suck scummy pond water. Something IMHO the Yankees do naturally. (Last, okay, maybe last time I truncate a phrase.) I’m not the sort to jump off a bridge over baseball, but a little effort here. I know I’m losing faith when reruns of Smoking Gun’s Dumbest Drivers 107 is preferable to watching aforementioned teams. Okay I watch it when there’s a late start. If things proceed as they are presently going, the off-season will be long and cold, watching for trades and saying goodbye to favorites who’ve outlived their usefullness. Player loyalty takes a back seat to being in first place at least once during the season.

Earworms: A CD I burned, Chrissie Hynde, Ricki Lee Jones, Joni Mitchell, Judy Collins and Linda Rohnstadt. Heard the whole thing. Fell asleep to Robert Johnson.

TALK TO ME, PLEASE. CAMPAIGN SEASON IS WARMING UP AND THE CANDIDATES ALREADY STARTED CALLING NAMES. DON’T PAY ATTENTION. DEMAND THEY TALK ABOUT ISSUES AND OFFER CONCRETE SOLUTIONS. DON’T TAKE “I’LL FORM A COMMITEE WHEN ELECTED” TELL US NOW. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FOOD BANK. SCHOOL ISN’T TOO FAR AWAY BUT KIDS STILL NEED HEALTHY MEALS. USE HAV-A-HEART TRAPS ON POLITICIANS. THEIR PELTS ARE WORTHLESS AND THEY DON’T TASTE GOOD. SPAY OR NEUTER THEM AND TURN THEM LOOSE. GIVE A BOOK TO A KID. CLICK ON: www.savetibet.org .

See you on Wednesday.